


you make my heart uwu like none other

by orphan_account



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: M/M, This is crack, beyonce is god, cutie relationship, dont get offended, jacob has a fat ass, juyeon and eric are drug buddies, kevin is an sjw, like the worst kind, pls write juseyo, rated r for drug use and mentions of ass, the boyz need more fics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-23
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-05-13 01:25:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14739470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Safe to say that Juyeon's trip did not go as planned...





	you make my heart uwu like none other

**Author's Note:**

> if ur here bc u like my normal writing pls leave bc this is the worst

It was the 4th of may, international WEED day, the day where Juyeon could finally go all out and smoke 50 blunts and not be judged for it. There was a Weedcon™ taking place in his city. He was excited to go meet some new Bros to puff puff and pass with. 

Thats where he meets Mary Juana, the person he may or may not spend the rest of his life with. As soon as he lays his eyes on her he dropps his weed and says, "Broooooo.... she got a fine ass". For a split second, Mary Juana and Juyeon's eyes meet. It is like in the movies. Juyeon's stomach starts gurggling as he finally decides that he has to do it, he has to talk to that girl and wife her up. 

He sashays over to her and says, "Aye sis can I shit on you?" The girl looks up at him and smiles devilishly, bringing a hand up to her hair and pulling it off in one smooth snatch. “I’m J-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-jacob but you can call me Mary. I’m here to talk to you about our lord and savior but if u want I can let u sit on me first.”

Taken aback Juyeon stumbles over the bag of weed that fell out of his pocket and falls over. “I don’t swing that way mama,” he stutters. A boy without lips next to Mary (or Jacob) frowns and calls him a filthy mansplaining homophobe. Juyeon feels someone pull him up from behind. It’s his dealer Eric. 

Eric quickly runs across from Juyeon's side to Jacob's side and whips out a glock, pointing at the poor boy(??)'s head. Kevin (the man hater), at this instance, loses all his marbles and starts squealing his constitutional rights out of sheer panic. Juyeon heaves a big sigh and pulls Jacob towards him, into a back hug/choke hold. 

"Im he's." Juyeon says, holding his ground acting like an alpha male when he is, in fact, a big fat twink. Jacob feels his face heating up and starts blushing. Eric gasps audibly, "I cant believe you're doing this!1!!1!" 

Eric starts weeping as Juyeon went✈️gay city. Jacob presses his juicy ass against Juyeon’s puthy, “Not so heter of sex u all now huh big boy?” Kevin now sits on the floor rocking himself to the beat of Beyoncé’s single ladies. 

“Stop crying u social justice warrior, can’t take a lil real discourse huh?” Juyeon says as he pushes Jacob’s ass away from him. Eric takes the moment of distraction to inject heroin into Juyeon’s bloodstream. “I thought i meant more to you then just another client,” he whispers as Juyeon’s world goes black. 

The last thing he hears is Kevin’s relieved sigh, “No more man spreading here.”  
-  
Juyeon wakes up to the sound of someone playing with toy cars. Pokemon is blaring in the background. “Pick geodude, Ash u dumb gay!” a childish voice sounds.

Has Juyeon been transported to the past? the answer is no. Eric's just a big fat baby and spends his days watching Pokemon episodes. 

Juyeon wonders where jacob is now... he can't stop thinking of his thick juicy ass. All he can see is Ass, he craves Ass. But now Jacob probably moved on and found a different lover boy (perhaps in the form of a real daddy, not a wannabe like Juyeon who can’t even make good jokes). 

Eric screeches at the sight of juyeon waking up. "OH MY GOD yeobeo~~~ YOU'RE AWAKE!" He runs over and stands on top of juyeon, blocking his air flow. Juyeon wants to say something but he just can’t, and he knows he won’t be able to unless Eric steps the fuck off. 

Eric decides to show mercy and hops off. Juyeon can finally breathe again. "What the Fuck happened Eric?" Juyeon asks as he can’t recollect anything that happened the previous day. 

“Well uhhh,” Eric trails off. In the background Pokemon shifts to Spongebob’s annoying laugh. Juyeon wants to die. “You got into a fight at Weedcon™ yesterday so I saved you from the ass guy and the feminist, you should be grateful,” Eric explains but Juyeon feels like something is wrong. 

He looks down at his arm to confirm his suspicion. There it was, the mark where the needle had entered Juyeon’s body. Eric had drugged him. Even Hyunjae unnie, his ex girlfriend, wasn’t that cruel, and she once fed him raw cow udder for looking at furry porn. 

“You’re lying, Eric,” Juyeon says and Eric blushes bright red. His ears and cheeks look soft and Juyeon feels his heart uwu slightly in his chest. Maybe it’s an after effect of the drugs. 

Maybe it isn’t too bad, Juyeon thinks. Maybe he could excuse Eric for drugging him just this once. That is until Eric begins explaining what happened at Weedcon™. 

"OK SO I may have injected heroin into your bloodstream and you may have confessed your love for toes to Jacob and started throwing it back on him with heavy metal music playing and Kevin may have passed out from shock but ON THE BRIGHT SIDE Jacob seemed to have been enjoying it……………. but bad news is I may have shot him!"

"You WHAT" Juyeon screeches as he can barely process what the fuck is going on. "REST ASSURED I only shot him in the leg so he didn’t die or anything geez," Eric pouts like an anime school girl. Juyeon has mixed feelings now. He is totally uwu-ing over Eric but at the same time he feels like his dick is about to fall off because of what Eric told him. 

“I want to go see him right now, you better not have fucked up his ass implants or I will get Kim Kardashian on your ass for property damage,” Juyeon threatens. Eric gulps loudly, his eyes widening slightly as he imagines Kim K’s lawyer sending him to jail with all the hetero guys. He shudders and shakes his head quickly “No, I just splintered his shins, u can still hit that shit from the back oppa!” Eric assures him. 

“But I’m afraid I can’t let you go,” his voice turns from soft to malicious. On the nightstand Juyeon spots a cup of coffee. OH NO!! Ommaya what now? Eric and caffeine is not a good match. “Let me go kid!” Juyeon tells him but Eric has a big shotgun in his hands. 

“I got this from serial killer Sunwoo, so don’t u dare run away from me!! (scary red mad emoji with censored cuss words),” he yells, mouth foaming from the mix of coffee and xans he eats as candies bc he’s a bad bitch and u can’t kill him.

Juyeon gets scared, he knows what eric can do when he is high in coffee. He hopes this doesn’t end in a bloodbath like it did that time Sunwoo got hâte for being a furry and Eric shot the normie right through the eyes. 

The only way juyeon can fight Eric iss by getting on an equal energy level. He grabs the left-over coffee set on the nightstand and chugs it all up. Eric stands there with his mouth wide open as he sees Juyeon down the coffee. He then blushes, because technically that was like an indirect kiss since Juyeon placed his mouth where Eric previously had. 

Juyeon is confused as to why Eric isn’t charging at him with a butcher's knife. Eric is actually going full uwu mode. He stutters at every sentence and twiddles his fingers nervously. Juyeon finds this slightly cute but he is still threatened by the fact that Eric is under the influence of caffeine. 

He quickly picks up a pillow and flings it at Eric’s cute gay pink hair before he can make the first move. This is a stupid move because it makes Eric’s dumb ass ugly cry. 

“Juyeon oppa, the only reason I keep you here is because I don’t want you to go tap that fat ass and wife up some other dude. You make me uwuwuwuwu but u won’t even look past the fact that I look like a brick on drugs and provide u with meth and fed a means,” Eric wails his confession as Juyeon stares at him with wide eyes (but not that wide bc he’s a squinty ass bitch that got to keep his shady image).

Eric cries so hard he passes out right there on the floor. “Geodude why does oppa not sarang me back?” he murmured in his restless sleep. A knock on the door takes Juyeon’s attention away from the passed out boy that just filled his dicc with love (but he’s a baby so let’s say his heart).

The door swings open to reveal Kim “serial killer” Sunwoo standing there with a butcher knife. “DID YOU MAKE ERIC CRY JUYEON LEE I WILL BUST YOUR ASS OPEN WITH THIS KNIFE AND FILL IT WITH SAND UNTIL YOUR INTESTINES LOOK LIKE THE SAHARA DESERT UNDERSTOOD?” Sunwoo had always been protective over Eric.  
Sunwoo’s screams made Eric wake up. “SUNWOO HYUNG? YOU’RE HERE? JUYEON WAS BEING MEAN TO ME YUUYUUUㅠㅠ,” he cries out. Sunwoos eyes are burning with anger and Juyeon gets scared as FUCK so he jumps out of the window and tries to run away. 

Sunwoo follows him, screaming of rage, “HOW DARE YOU HURT MY LIL CUPCAKE MY HONEYBUN MY SWEETIEPIE MY FURRY BABY, I WILL KI L L Y O U!” 

Juyeon stops in his tracks when he sees sjw queen Kevin right in front of him. This is his worst nightmare, being surrounded by a caffeinated 2 year old, an sjw and a mega furry serial killer. There is no escape. Juyeon is about to accept the fact that he is gonna die when someone emerges from a dark corner. 

“BEYONCE? BEYONCE? ARE YOU OUT IF YOUR FUCKING MIND IT4S BEYONCE!!!!” Kevin starts screeching loudly as the goddess descends from heaven (which is apparently located in a dark corner between a corn shop and a bordel). 

“Calm down you sjw ur wack,” she tells Kevin as he lies crying on the pavement. 

“SHE INSULTED ME!!” Kevin yells out before dying of happiness. Juyeon shrugs and looks around. Both Sunwoo and Eric are passed out on the street. “Beyoncé noona what did you do to them?” Beyonce laughs and it sounds like heavens angels, “I don’t fuck with kids from the new millennium.” 

Juyeon falls to his knees and pleads to her to save Eric. “Pls he owns my heart if he dies I will never be able to uwu again ㅜㅜㅜㅜㅜㅜㅜ!!!!” 

“Fine y’all real dumb out here. I’m going back to heaven call me when that child starts to annoy u again ok hottie?” She winks and flicks her finger, waking Eric up again. Sunwoo still lies motionless in the middle of the street. “Yeah he can die, he belongs in hell anyways,” Juyeon says and then Beyoncé is gone. 

Eric wakes up and starts tearing up at the sight of Juyeon’s face. “J-j-j-j-j-uyeon, you saved me!“ he says happily. Juyeon shrugs indifferently “Yeah, or whatever... it’s nothing special.“ 

Eric can’t keep his happiness inside either way. He jumps up and holds Juyeon reaaal tight, so tight it starts to get hard for Juyeon to breathe. “Youngjae I-I can’t brea-breathe,” Juyeon tries to say but Eric can barely understand as he holds him tighter and tighter because he got the uwus from him, making Juyeon suffocate completely. 

Eric knocks his wind out. Juyeon lays down on the floor unconscious. Eric begins to freak out when suddenly a thought comes to his mind, what about CPR? Eric blushes hella hard and decided to go ahead and do it. He pumps on Juyeon's ribs and gives him mouth to mouth (dying a bit inside bc uwuwuwuw that’s like a kiss except Juyeon is kinda dead so it’s a bit like necrophilia). A few of Juyeon's ribs may have cracked but that is of no concern to Eric. He is just enjoying the moment. 

Juyeon wakes up to a sharp pain in his ribcage, he can barely move and shrieks for help. Eric panicked. “You fat bitch did you try to cpr me by sitting on my fucking chest?” Juyeon barely breathes out. His chest feels like it’s on fire. 

“IM SORRY OPPA I’M CALLING 911!!!” Eric yells out and then realises he doesn’t have a phone so he takes the one from Kevin’s dead hands (not Sunwoo because that fugly fool has an Android and Eric would rather die than touch that thing) and dials 911. “HELLO DOCTOR MY OPPA HAS BROKEN RIBS I NEED AN AMBULANCE ASAP!!!”

The 911 operator laughs, “Oppa? We don’t help koreaboos u freak figure it out!” 

Not getting help from 911 makes Eric panic even moRE!!1! He eventually gets a heart attack from all the panicking and dies, leaving Juyeon all alone and hurt on the ground. He dies as well and the both of them reunited in heaven where they both got a juicy heart to hit with love (don’t sexualize minorities!) and Beyoncé watching over them like they were her own twins. 

The end.

**Author's Note:**

> hey the beeeez the yallz whatever u want to call our cowboy bunch yeehaw. hope u enjoyed this whatever it is i cowrote with sana and suha! love you all and keep supporting our boyz they are the cutest bunch of gays ive ever seen (except hyunjae hes a clown but ig hes cute)!! if you made it through pls support our idea to make the lightstick a real light up bong or a portable meth lab, goodbye! <3<3<3


End file.
